i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
