Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
