Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
