Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Watching her eat just hurts me
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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