Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think your dad took our porno
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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