That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
how drunk are you?
Several
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
