a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
