I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
