haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
