If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
