I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
