apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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