called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
