so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
