Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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