Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
