My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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