Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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