but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
