why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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