sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
