remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
