Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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