Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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