I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
