this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
