why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize