My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
