Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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