i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
