She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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