I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
