There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
