I must be too annoying 4 u.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
