4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
