I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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