I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
barbara walters just said penis...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
