I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
