...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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