Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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