You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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