OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
