Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
