apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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