she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
