glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
