He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
