Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
