I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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