Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
