I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
