You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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