Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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