I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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