well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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