who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
PANTIES FOUND
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