Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
