so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
