I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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