google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She tied me up with her honor cords...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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