Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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