She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
