I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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