Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize