Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
