I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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