I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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