so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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