you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so let's talk penis.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
