If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
