can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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