I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
