im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
