girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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