Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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