if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
