I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This is my gift to your gina
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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